Waiting for mental-health help!

CBE students face one-year wait for mental-health help was one of the three headings of three articles in the Herald between January 8 - January 22, 2018.

Reading the articles is alarming! Parents fearful, kids struggling and lack of help. I reached out to two of the trustees mentioned in the paper by email leaving a message twice offering them the opportunity to have a conversation to see how we could help. No reply!

All that was asked was to have a conversation with us to hear a mom's story how she adverted her 15 year old daughter second suicide attempt and share what made the difference for her daughter to share more what is happening in her life. The mom's story was mentioned so it would have them know someone has been where these parents are and have the opportunity to learn what she did to stop the attempt. I know when our daughter was diagnosed with bipolar I was glad to be referred to someone with lived experience!! This is a gift. Nope, no response to having a conversation.

Facilitating groups for over 20 years, I heard consistently parent's fear, anxiousness and frustration of what to do different. When this mom ( Marcia) choose to come to Family Peer Support Group and asked, if she was prepared to change what she was doing. She said yes. Then she said, " I have been told to change but no one is telling me what to change and "how to" change it." She learned "how to" approach her daughter. She learned some techniques how to change her approach. If you were to ask her daughter ( Amanda) what this meant to her when her mom learned a different way engaging with her, she would say " I have my family back". Watch their video on our website www.coolfamilysolutions.com.

So what did mom learn? She quit helicoptering over her daughter and asking her in desperation "what is wrong", "what can I do". Two things she changed was her approach to the situation. Instead of asking her daughter questions she may not know how to answer, she expressed what she was observing by saying - "I am sensing you are upset" then asked " did she want to talk about it?" If the daughter said no. She would say "I am here if you want to chat." Her daughter ( Amanda) knew her mom noticed her upset. Marcia being aware of this tells her that her mom is paying attention to her. The mom carried on with what she was doing yet still available if she changed her mind. Marcia asking if she wanted to talk about it, allowed her daughter to make the decision to say no or yes. Marcia gave her the space she needed. This was the first step of the beginning of change. Marcia kept making small changes eventually Amanda started sharing a little bit more each time. Amanda started trusting her mom that she wasn't going to bombard her with questions.

Being able to start a process of how to engage them is the key. They will share with you when they are ready to share more. Mom's job was trying different ways to engage her by staying calm and giving her space. The other question she would ask is " what is happening" instead of asking what happened at school or how are you feeling. This allows them to express whatever they want to say without feeling pressured.

Share this or try it yourself. Something to think about - how would you like to be approached if you were struggling? Let me know your story of change.

Still waiting for a phone call from the Trustees to have a conversation.

T

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