Stop Being a People Pleaser - 6 Part Series

Part 4 - Slow Down Your Response

Everywhere I go and speak people talk to me about their schedules. They tell me

they’ve never been busier.

They’re overwhelmed and out of balance.

Does that sound anything like you?

If so, a part of your problem may be caused by your inability to say, “No.” When people ask you to do something, even things you don’t want to do or have time to do, you may find yourself saying “Yes” all too often.

Again, if that sounds all too familiar, it’s time for you to change. Without the ability to say“No,” you end up living someone else’s life instead of your own. You’re governed by other people’s priorities and that’s not a very healthy, happy, or satisfying way to live.

I know. I spent too much of my life trying to please everyone but myself. I worked so hard at it that it eventually devastated my body and peace of mind … not to mention my own self-respect.

But I became a lot smarter and a lot more effective years ago when I was chatting with Lou Holtz, the famous Notre Dame football coach, after we finished speaking to the same audience. Lou told me, “Alan, if you desperately need people to love you, you will never have their respect.”

Whoa! That hit home. I learned right then and there that I was trying to please everyone … to get everybody to like me … and love me … by almost always saying “Yes,” which often

led to impossibly difficult situations.

I learned the importance and skill of saying “No.”

If you need to get better at that, here are six strategies to say “no” more effectively and put a stop to inappropriate people pleasing and start living a saner, more respectful life.

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Take your time. If someone asks for a favor, take time to think about it and check your schedule. Don’t let your mouth say “yes” before your brain has time to give the request thoughtful consideration.

It’s one of the techniques I taught the Boeing people when I was delivering my program for them on The Power of Partnership: 7 Keys to Better Relationships and Greater Teamwork. And they were inspired and empowered by what they learned.

After the program, Mary Cisiewski, the HR Director, said, “Dr. Zimmerman offered life-changing techniques. I feel a new zest for life!” And Mary Alice Gallagher, a Product Support Engineer, wrote, “I am a site focal for Employee Involvement. Taking what I learned from you, I was able to educate our facilitators about your very common sense ideas and how they can use them to work with groups.”