Stop Being a People Pleaser - 6 Part Series

Part 3 - Get Real

Everywhere I go and speak people talk to me about their schedules. They tell me they’ve never been busier. They’re overwhelmed and out of balance.

Does that sound anything like you?

If so, a part of your problem may be caused by your inability to say, “No.” When people ask you to do something, even things you don’t want to do or have time to do, you may find yourself saying “Yes” all too often.

Again, if that sounds all too familiar,

it’s time for you to change.

Without the ability to say“No,” you end up living someone else’s life instead of your own. You’re governed by other people’s priorities and that’s not a very healthy, happy, or satisfying way to live.

I know. I spent too much of my life trying to please everyone but myself. I worked so hard at it that it eventually devastated

my body and peace of mind … not to mention my own self-respect.

But I became a lot smarter and a lot more effective years ago when I was chatting with Lou Holtz, the famous Notre Dame football coach, after we finished speaking to the same audience. Lou told me, “Alan, if you desperately need people to love you, you will never have their respect.”

Whoa! That hit home. I learned right then and there that I was trying to please everyone … to get everybody to like me … and love me … by almost always saying “Yes,” which often led to impossibly difficult situations. I learned the importance and skill of saying “No.”

If you need to get better at that, here are six strategies to say “no” more effectively and put a stop to inappropriate people pleasing and start living a saner, more respectful life.

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Don’t automatically assume that it would easier … and more comfortable … to go along with the other person than to say “no.”

I want you to STOP.

Stop right now and think about all the times you’ve said “yes,” when you really wanted to say “no.” How did you really feel inside?

You may need to get a more realistic perspective.

Ask yourself this question. How long will you feel uncomfortable if you say “no?” Five minutes? Ten minutes? An hour? A day?

Compare that to how much time and energy you’ll spend granting the other person’s request. And consider how long you’ll resent the fact you said “Yes.” Sometimes you exchange a

five-minute period of discomfort for a two-week commitment and a year of resentment.

It’s not a good trade for you or anyone else.